Saturday, August 27, 2011

R.I.D


We should have a group that is endorsed by the community but free of government and independently operated, so it cannot be corrupted by liars, cheats and scoundrels who have agendas to push and revenge to seek.

This group of individuals, lets call them the ‘Removal of Idiotic Dickheads’ agency – or RID for short. Once appointed, they will only have the one purpose throughout their day – to stop idiocy.

How will they do this?

In many ways, but the main way will be by being militant observers of the human race. And at anytime, at any moment, whenever they see an act of idiocy, they are expected to stop that individual, and point out their idiotic behaviour.

Repeat idiots will be given a limit… Five idiotic acts a month and they’re not allowed to leave their house for thirty days and they may only leave after that if you pass a test of common sense and decency.

If an idiot continues unabated after many, many times, he/she will be given the option of permanent house arrest or lethal injection. It will be explained to the idiot, that their death is preferred as the Earth is becoming over populated and we need all the food, water and oxygen we can get.

If, since idiots, are, well, idiots and too many of them, do continue with their behaviour unabated – the choice of permanent arrest and death will be rectified to simply – execute on site.

Businesses with idiotic policy will also be fined, named and shamed. ‘RID’ Agents will have the right to pose as a customer, challenge a policy and then vanquish it upon confirmation of said ‘policy’ – not making any sense, being redundant and in the sole interests of the business and not the consumer. All legitimate policies that stand up to scrutiny will of course, be allowed to stand.

Idiots who have had 5 or more infringements will be removed from the electoral roll for the next 3 elections. The removal from the electoral roll increases in correspondence to the number of idiotic offences. This in many cases will effectively be a permanent ban from voting in any democratic election.  

‘RID’ Agents will be highly trained to tell the difference between idiocy and mistake, idiocy and accident (unless of course an act of idiocy leads to an accident, which is nearly always the case), idiocy and chance, meaning the risk for mistakes in charging idiots is at a calculated 0.00001 percent, the likes of which have never been seen before.

Idiotic behaviour when drinking can be excused at the discretion of the attending agent(s).

Idiotic behaviour when on drugs can be excused at the discretion of the attending agent(s).

Idiotic behaviour when not on any mind-altering substance will never be excused and may result in severe beatings that are also at the discretion of the attending agent(s)

Idiots will be made to attach bumper stickers on their cars/motorbikes/trucks/mode of transport that read – ‘Beware! I am an idiot. And I do stupid things, quickly, erratically and unexpectedly. I apologise in advance.’

Repeat idiots may cause their parents to be submitted to involuntary sterilisation. (Depending on age, nature may have thankfully already done the job for us)

Repeat offenders will be barred from procreating with other repeat idiotic offenders, halting the idiotic gene in its inbred tracks.

If you cannot read and write, you will not necessarily be assumed an idiot, but your parents will be sterilised or shot, whichever is cheaper. Then you will be offered to learn how to read and write, if you decline, you will be sterilised or shot, whichever is cheaper. If you accept and still cannot learn how to read and write after the intense tutelage of trained professionals, you will be released. Because clearly, your mental retardation is a more pressing issue that needs to be addressed.

‘RID’ Agents will blend into society. 

They can and will be anywhere, at anytime.


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